fall into the sky

the sky mesmerizes me.

maybe i’m weird. i feel like i could stand and stare for hours, completely content with watching the clouds roll by or gazing at the stars under the cover of the moonlight. there’s something about sunsets, too…when the sky is red and on fire. you know what i’m talking about….words just can’t describe it.

there was a time when it had the completely opposite effect on me. i remember going out one evening to gaze at the stars. i felt myself shrinking underneath the canopy of space above me and was overwhelmed with a feeling of insignificance. i thought, who am i? what difference does my existence make? do i even matter?  i went inside and crumpled into a tearful ball on my bedroom floor. my past left me feeling so broken and used. i cried out to God, why me?! it’s not fair! i never asked for this!  i felt like the world was passing me by outside my window, and i was trapped here fighting a losing battle with the demons of my past.

instead of looking up at the night sky and seeing how majestic and incomprehensible and amazing God is, all i could think of was my limits and powerlessness. i had the same problem when it came to dealing with my past: instead of focusing on who God is, i was crippled mentally by the abuse and its effects.

but God’s word spoke a powerful truth to me then that I have not forgotten since. Isaiah 40 is an incredible picture of the majesty of God, and as i considered the struggles i was having, i asked myself, what is this to God?  my relationship with Him was profoundly impacted by this truth. i realized my “purpose” wasn’t a great mystery that i had to figure out…there is no greater level i have to attain, no greater act of service i have to strive for; no, the truth is this: “Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”(1Corinthians 10:31, KJV)

now, as I look up into the sky, i find myself homesick. i wish that I could somehow fall into it, that beyond all the clouds and stars, i would end up in His embrace. oh, how i long for His eternal embrace…

but until then…

sara

what draws you to Him?

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7 thoughts on “fall into the sky

  1. Thank you, Sara, for your ability to post feelings that have depth and relate to your past. I never experienced the things you went through, but in working with GAL, I feel I have helped those who suffered. You have the voice that others need to hear.

      • I guess I never replied to this question. GAL is Guardian Ad Litem. I sometimes check on children at their homes, foster homes, etc. I have represented them in court, helped get them out of abusive situations, and even helped two children get adopted. I now do evening visits for GAL or fill in for other volunteers who can’t make their visits, because I have responsibilities with grandchildren that keep me from attending court during the day. With GAL, I like to dig into situations that don’t seem “good” under the surface–when I get a bad feeling about the placement of a child. One man told me that I’m like a dog with a bone….I don’t let go if something bothers me. Ha. It has helped a couple children, though.

  2. What freedom there is in realizing you don’t have to struggle with the question of, “what is God’s will for my life?”! Your true calling is simply to “glorify Him.” What freedom there is in those few words! After all, “It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm, then, and do not be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Gal. 5:1). I love you, sweet friend!

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