the music’s gone

i wonder why i can’t stand christian music anymore?

maybe i abused it too much. very little of it even inspires me.  some of it brings up things i’d much rather let go of. but really, it all just sounds the same. i feel like my local ccm station cycles the same 15 songs every hour. it’s all the same kind of song:  difficulty or doubt in a person’s life. it gets depressing. we all like to relate, but we have to be careful to not be driven so much by emotion. focus on Him and not ourselves.

my keyboard sits in the corner of my room covered in clothing. my binder, containing pages and pages of lyrics, is collecting dust under my bed. maybe i just grew up. maybe i just gave up. why did i have such a passion for it? what happened? it’s almost like i’m trying to hold onto it in a way by alluding to it’s impact on my life every now and then, but that seems to be the only connection i have with it now.  when once a path seemed so clear, it now feels totally abandoned.

i may resort to sharing my lyrics with you. they’re chapters of my life that i’ve moved on from, songs that i wouldn’t want repeated over and over again. but they are apart of my story, and maybe i should bring them to life in some way. maybe the desire will return, maybe it won’t…but at least i won’t feel like i’m keeping a secret. or that i’ve wasted my time.

so be forewarned. for the sake of content, i’ll be sharing glorified poetry with you in the very near future.

sara

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3 thoughts on “the music’s gone

  1. Sara, have you ever thought that perhaps God led you through the phase of writing out your pain in lyrics? A phase of writing your journey through songs? A phase of personal publication that will someday be the ground work for what you will ultimately accomplish in this life?

    You are young. There may come a time in your life when you pick up a song you wrote in the past and the route to healing and God’s grace will suddenly apparent–though invisible right now. The songs may reveal the road map to the top of the most wonderful mountain in your life. Mountain tops reveal what can’t be seen from the ground.

    Only when you enter Heaven will the full impact of your words be known. Don’t reduce them to mere black marks on earthly paper that can fade and disappear. Yes, they are your path of God’s guidance and healing, but they are also written to touch others. While you touch others–your healing continues. When a person recoils in doubt their ability to lift others vanishes. ** While liftiing others, you also must step upward in order to help them climb higher.**

    You are a blessing.

    Karen

    • thank you, karen. one of my faults is having a one track mind, trying to focus on the here and now (that came from having been so exhausted from dwelling so much on the past).
      i remember those mountain tops…they’re experiences that aren’t designed for one to stay in. you have to carry them to the valley, and remember them…and that’s hard to do in the daily “drudgery” – as Chambers calls it. i guess that’s my struggle right now with several things. in my effort to not live in the emotional extremes, i’ve ended up on the other end of the spectrum.

  2. I understand what you’re saying. And I could respond by saying, find someone worse off than you have been or felt and help them, but that it a “bandaid” answer. Maybe, a better answer would be to keep an eye open for the foot path leading upward–toward a lifting of the spirit. I was at a very low spot the day after Christmas. I stayed on the couch “cowering” under a fuzzy blanket–watching science fiction movies (go figure) which I’ve never done before. Can I say I found an answer to lift the spirits, pour energy into life around me? No, but I realized today that I have to break the shell forming around me. Maybe, sometimes, we have to accept the feelings we have, understand that we never asked for the times in life that dealt blows to us, but there’s no better route than the upward one. As slow as it seems, we still have to be determined enough to climb upward. Each time we make that trip to the “top” it gets easier. Does it erase things totally? No, but we learn that we can and will step higher and higher above the pain. God gives us the ability to do that. Just like a child who falls while learning to walk. Each time he manages to stand up, the God-given ability strengthens. The hike up a mountain–to higher ground is something that child soon does without falling or retreating. God bless and may He walk beside you–with his hand tucked under your elbow. There now….write a poem/song using that last sentence. 🙂 I think that’s a good visual. I can see that, more than Him always having to carry me.

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