what i miss the most about living in the north is the changing of the seasons. especially the fall. as a child, i used to hate it when the leaves fell because of all the raking i had to do. but now, strangely enough, i crave the sights and smells that the changing weather brings. it’s in my blood, i suppose.
it’s too bad that attitude isn’t always applicable to other areas of my life, seeing as how i tend to resist change (that was magnified when i worked with kids, who don’t do well with it, either).
lately, i see the signs of it…the dying of some things. the cutting away. the anticipation of a darker, harsher season ahead. it has been a lush and beautiful season of fruitfulness this past year, but i was reminded of this truth:
“…every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.” john 15:2b. nasb
it’s natural, and realizing that has actually helped me release some of my anxieties. there are things i wish i didn’t have to let go of. there are relationships that i’m having to re-evaluate. then there is me trying to find that middle ground again: when once i relied so heavily on emotions, now i have found myself in the other extreme of relying too much on rationalizing and practicality. i want both.
i feel stretched, exhausted…i just want to breathe.
but even in the midst of all this, He reminds me Who He is. He demonstrates Himself through His people. He renews my hope in others, even as i find myself hurting and wanting to give up on everyone.
i’ve had the following verses recited to me on two totally separate and unrelated occasions today by two different people (read here for context):
“…in the presence of Him whom he [Abraham] believed, even God, who gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist. In hope against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many nations according to that which had been spoken, ‘So shall your descendants be.'” romans 4:16-18, nasb
in my past studies, i found myself having a strange affinity with the life of abraham. stranger still was the multiple recitations of these verses to me today. abraham had faith enough that God would raise his son from that altar. God made a ram appear out of nothing to take issac’s place so that His promise would be fulfilled. in hope against hope, abraham had faith and put it to action by his obedience, even though it didn’t make sense.
hope against hope. even though i can’t say i really understand it, that best describes the state of my heart right now.