i know i’m not perfect. i know i have a long way to go. i have a lot to learn, still a lot to experience. so i watch. i listen. i try to bite my tongue, but sometimes the words escape before i have a chance to think. lately, i’ve seen myself revert back, lose my perspective and give in to my emotions. i’ve been disappointed in myself. i’m actually surprised that there are still traces of that timid, fragile and fearful person still in me. i didn’t like how it seemed like all that i’ve striven to overcome and heal from was so easily forgotten. the memories will always remain. and they will always, always hurt. i just didn’t realize it would still be so much.
what’s funny, though, is despite noticing the obvious weakness in who i was during the early stages of my recovery, i noticed that back then, i had a lot of dreams. i believed in a lot of things. i had hope in its purest form. it was so easy to believe and accept and imagine.
and what’s happened since then? i like to think i’ve become a little more mature, realistic and practical. i’ve gotten stronger and bolder. and “content.” but i worry that i’ve sacrificed some things along the way to get here…and i want them back.
seriously, i’m too young for this.