my little blog is just a drop in the ocean, and i can only wonder why anyone (outside of the people i know) would read it. even still, whatever the reasons, here’s the top 5 posts of 2012:

TOP 5:

5. fall into the sky

the lesson i learned from the sky. a personal favorite.

4. what i’ve lost along the way

my inner conflict with reality and so-called dreams.

3. why i hated going home

(or, “why i walked out of the hunger games”) this post was difficult for me to write; in which i share about the violence/physical abuse of my childhood.

2. how i was disillusioned by “christian” books

how being a purpose-driven, jabez-praying, will-seeking christian did me more harm than good.

1. if this season were a song

bebo kindly retweeted this post, which is probably why it took the top spot. even still, well-written lyrics move me in a way that few other things can. what’s your song right now?


the music’s gone

this post received the least amount of views. have you ever had a passion, something you KNEW was a calling…but closed doors and the passing of time made you indifferent and even numb to it?


things kids have taught me

in which i try and list everything i’ve learned from kids. the operative word being “try.”


  • i started the blog

on march 17 i introduced myself, and explained the idea behind love twisted and love defined. admittedly, i also have a bit of a word addiction.

  • i talked about the abuse

to be able to understand me, you have to know where i come from. i’m all dysfunction. : )

  • i churchhopped

  “there are differences – no doubt about that, but the core is Christ and His word and people in a relationship with Him that is always growing and reflecting Who He is. His body isn’t defined or restricted by a denomination or a building. it’s His people, living day to day in obedience to Him. pursuing Him, loving Him, and loving people with the love He has poured into us.” -from what churchhopping has taught me

i am always willing to keep my heart open. we are the body of Christ, after all.

  • i got annoyed

more so with christians than anyone. the cliches. the bandwagons. the prudishness.


i really don’t want to commit to anything. no resolutions. i write about whatever i want to write about for someone to either read or not read. but i do want to thank anyone and everyone who reads this blog o’ mine (mostly my friends and relatives). keep it up so i can pretend like i have a huge following.


a christmas-y-ish blog post

have you ever stepped outside of yourself and just considered everything? and by that i mean, well…everything. i mean this story God has written. this tapestry we are all a part of. existence as it is seen from the widest scope you can fathom.

God. God who always was, always is and always will be. beyond our understanding, unseen and all-knowing. He created this world. the universe. He gave life to billions upon billions of souls who have walked here. some known, most unknown. you. me.

Jesus. God in the flesh. He came down to live among us. He started out as a tiny, mewling baby. for 33 years He walked this earth as skin and bones…so far removed from the majesty of His Heavenly throne.

and all out of love. He could have done anything, but He didn’t. He chose to come down to our level.  breathing air. eating food. restrained by time. feeling the elements…and pain.

God did that.

it’s so hard to wrap my head around it all…

i love it. the angels of Heaven appeared to the shepherds to proclaim that the very Son of God had entered our world…the lowliest of society were some of the first to know. born in a manger, to a jewish girl. what went through her mind? no one can know what it was like to be the mother of God in the flesh.

for whatever the reason, tradition has diluted the truth. how does something like that happen? the truth is enough. why must we add to it? it’s enough to take in by itself.

God. God became man.


merry christmas.

when it’s ok to hide

our lives in Christ began with a death. a death to ourselves, to our sin natures. what follows is a new life in Christ. as with many spiritual things, it turns what is known to us as “natural” on its head. we begin our mortal lives with birth, and end in death; but life in Christ begins with death, and a new life follows.

For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” colossians 3:3, nasb

our lives are then to be hidden in His. there should be no trace of ourselves. everything about us should point to Him.

“When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.” colossians 3:4, nasb.

there is nothing to fear in His life. there is nothing to lose. those earthly desires we once had are dead to us. there are so many possibilities to open yourself up to when you think on this and what it means. my heart and mind have been opened.  it has become so much less about me as i see God pouring out His love through people, and  it all comes at a time when i’m near ready to give up on everyone…so many hearts have gone cold. when i look beyond my own life, and see the darkness and evil so thick in the lives of others, i find myself ready to just go home. but then God reveals Himself through the kindness of another or from the sincerity of a heart or in the tears of one who has found hope for their lives. there is still so much beauty here.

and then there’s me. i am my worst critic, and it is my own failures that weigh heaviest on the scales…they bear more weight than any disappointment i may have in the state of things around me. but He knows how to get my attention. and even though i haven’t been listening as strongly as i used to, He has – once again – found a way to break through. i can’t understand why, but He has gone to great lengths to remind me of Who He is. i would’ve given up on me a long time ago.


Lord, i’m listening.