i’ve never seen myself as much of a leader. i’d prefer to follow, to be quite honest. there is no part of me that desires the attention or the responsibility. i’d rather be in the back, behind the curtain, where i’m safe…
and that’s it right there. i want to be “safe.” i don’t want to be accountable. i’m afraid of what others will do or say based on what i do and say. i’m more often wrong than not, but for some reason people are listening to me and looking for advice. i wish i could carry a big disclaimer around with me that says, “I HAVEN’T FIGURED IT ALL OUT!”
we forget to stop and think. we take what we hear and run with it and not take the time to sift it and make sure it’s right and true. i’ve made that mistake too often, and struggle to keep the filter up and functioning. it takes maintenance and time with the Truth. i don’t want to be responsible for people who listen to me. it’s so easy to mislead people, and i hate the thought of that.
all i have to give is my experience…like all the times of failed, been disappointed or had my belief system turned on its head. i share what i’ve been through, how i responded and everything that has led me to where i am. i look back on my chronicles and sometimes wish i could reach back into the past and smack myself. but i’ve learned that it takes that – having to go through it and make the mistakes or have the wrong idea or listen to the wrong interpretation and get a little confused – for us to figure it out. there’s a lot of trial and error going on.
but i love the fact that as long as i’m alive, i will never stop learning. never stop growing.
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” phillipians 1:6, nasb
while i don’t know how i got here, it’s no use trying to fight it or hide from it. i just have to be more careful and more anchored in Him.
so may this post act as my unofficial disclaimer to all who listen to me…take it with a grain of salt. i’m still learning. one day i think i’m right, the next day i find that i’m wrong. and no matter how hard i try, i’ll never have it all figured out. i know a little about a lot but i’m an expert on nothing.