it’s moments like this when i wish i had arms to crawl into. arms that would hold me close as i cried the way i want to do right now (and will no doubt do before the night is over). safe, warm, tender, strong. an embrace i could finally release myself in.
i turned myself off to touch for a long time. when i was young, it hurt. bruised. instilled fear.
as i got older, it made me feel disgusted. a touch would make me twitch. writhe. want to scream.
i was kind of forced out of my comfort zone when i encountered those within the body of Christ. i questioned motives for a long time…still do, on occasion. i walked with my eyes cast down. my face hidden beneath my hair. but my bubble began to shrink as people suddenly showed me love…His love.
His love. the arms that hold me. His word. even as i crave a touch to assure me, to secure me, i know i have His promises. but it gets worse as i think about the distance between us. i can’t feel Him now. i can’t see Him. He’s the love of my life, and i haven’t even heard the sound of His voice. it makes me so homesick. i yearn for His touch. in every embrace here on earth, there is a moment you have to let go…it makes me long for eternity so much more.
i wonder if He longs for that moment as much as i?…when i can finally rest in His arms.