the music’s gone

i wonder why i can’t stand christian music anymore?

maybe i abused it too much. very little of it even inspires me.  some of it brings up things i’d much rather let go of. but really, it all just sounds the same. i feel like my local ccm station cycles the same 15 songs every hour. it’s all the same kind of song:  difficulty or doubt in a person’s life. it gets depressing. we all like to relate, but we have to be careful to not be driven so much by emotion. focus on Him and not ourselves.

my keyboard sits in the corner of my room covered in clothing. my binder, containing pages and pages of lyrics, is collecting dust under my bed. maybe i just grew up. maybe i just gave up. why did i have such a passion for it? what happened? it’s almost like i’m trying to hold onto it in a way by alluding to it’s impact on my life every now and then, but that seems to be the only connection i have with it now.  when once a path seemed so clear, it now feels totally abandoned.

i may resort to sharing my lyrics with you. they’re chapters of my life that i’ve moved on from, songs that i wouldn’t want repeated over and over again. but they are apart of my story, and maybe i should bring them to life in some way. maybe the desire will return, maybe it won’t…but at least i won’t feel like i’m keeping a secret. or that i’ve wasted my time.

so be forewarned. for the sake of content, i’ll be sharing glorified poetry with you in the very near future.


the color of love

how precious is the body

the flesh of God, broken and torn

i know the look of love.

how precious is the blood

the blood of God, flowing red

i know the color of love.

as i eat this bread and drink this cup

tears fill my eyes as i realize more

about the truth of love.

how precious is the Son

Jesus, Savior, Lamb of God

i know the Name of love.


no good to be alone

from tea parties to hang-gliding. from antique shopping to learning the dance steps to high school musical 2. from card games to launching water balloons at the unsuspecting. from jane austen to homemade music videos.  from tears to laughter. from fear to trust. from loneliness to discovering true friendship.

i have been blessed.

i hope they know who they are. if only they knew how much i love and cherish them. they are priceless…this is coming from one who knows what it’s like to live without them. my friends.

we had been isolated growing up. cut off from our families, eventually pulled out of school to stay at home under the watch of a dominating and abusive man. any friend i had managed to get couldn’t last…there was always something wrong with them. ethnicity, denomination, family…it didn’t matter. i was never allowed to go anywhere, and they were never allowed in the house if they did come over. eventually, i gave up, and so did everyone else…they couldn’t understand. besides, christians were supposed to be hated. being friendless and alone meant you were doing something right. at least, that’s what we were led to believe.

what i’ve discovered is the beauty of God’s truth and design. we can’t walk this road alone. i thought i could do it. i really couldn’t imagine that anyone would even care…but God showed me otherwise.  He showed me His love through people. people who had no agenda, who weren’t looking for what they could get out of me…they wanted to help. they wanted to love. they weren’t trying to fix me, but God has used them to help remold me.

i’ve learned so much from them these last few years. how to live, how to love, how to trust. i value my time with them. i almost never want this season of life to end…

when our worlds collided, when your sky crashed into mine

when your shades of earth colored my world and your sun lit up my sky

oh, what a difference, what a difference you made

as color suddenly burst out from my gray

when our worlds collided…


treasure your friendships.